


The Brunswick Blooper Reel

by Masterweaver



Series: The RWBY Blooper Reels [1]
Category: RWBY
Genre: And a few surprise guest stars!, F/F, Spoilers: Volume 6 (RWBY)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-08
Updated: 2018-12-08
Packaged: 2019-09-13 22:32:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16901061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Masterweaver/pseuds/Masterweaver
Summary: Filming a series can take a lot of work, and a lot of shots end up on the cutting room floor.And then there are the shots that just can't be taken seriously at all.





	The Brunswick Blooper Reel

“I’m not useless!” Maria snapped, waving off Oscar as she turned around. “I’m just a little hard of hearing. And blind without my eyes. And I have a chronic case of arthritis.”

Oscar blinked, staring at her. As she went on, though, a disbelieving grin formed on his face.

“In fact, it might be osteoporosis. And don’t get me started on the menopause! Actually,” Maria mused thoughtfully, “I might have Alzheimer’s too, come to think of it, I don’t remember. Who are all you people again?”

By this point Oscar was hiding his laughter behind a glove. The others, just off screen, were not so discrete.

* * *

“That bastard!” Yang stepped forward angrily, pointing a demanding finger. “Bring him back!”

“I can’t!” Oscar cried furtively. “It’s not like before, it’s like he’s locked himself deep inside his head! My head? Oh, I hate this!”

“Actually I just went down to the bakery,” Ozpin explained, walking onto the scene with a wide grin. “Apology cookies anyone?”

A series of groans (and scattered laughter) went up, the annoyed director calling for a cut. Ruby eyed the bag in his hand. “You did get strawberry scones, right?”

“Like I would forget them.”

“Sweet!”

* * *

The door to the Brunswick farms was locked shut. And then–

***THWACK***

“Ow! F–sh–raaaaarg…”

“Oh wow,” came Ruby’s voice, “that’s one tough door. We did unlock it for this shot, right?”

“I’d be a little more worried about him,” Blake replied. “You alright there?”

Qrow groaned. “Medic….”

* * *

“What do you think?” Blake asked seriously.

Ruby solemnly shook her head. “I don’t know. Something doesn’t feel right–”

A shriek came from upstairs–

“Weiss!”

–followed by a loud “GODDAMNIT!” and a laughing “Oh my god,  _really?”_

Blake blinked. “That’s… not in the script–”

Weiss came storming down the stairs, blushing furiously. “Excuse me, I need to go scrub my eyes.”

“I’m sorry!” called a voice from upstairs.

Yang was chuckling as she descended. “Well, I mean, the bed is supposed to have dead people in it anyway–”

Ruby covered her face with her hands, trying to hide her disbelieving grin as Blake groaned. “Again?! Those two…”

“Welp,” Maria quipped, “I guess shooting is done for today.”

“Is this going in the blooper reel?” Blake asked plaintively.

Yang smirked. “Hell yes!”

Ruby descended into embarrassed giggling.

* * *

“Tell you what. You keep that fire going, and I’ll find us a story to read.”

Oscar smiled faintly as Maria hobbled over to the bookshelves.

“Oh look! The kama sutra!”

Baffled laughter escaped the boy’s mouth. “Wh–what? Seriously?”

“It’s a good read,” Maria pointed out.

“No, no no, nooooo.” Oscar held up his hands. “Waaaay too young for that!”

* * *

“Huh,” Yang mused, “the workshop is getting really good with these puppets.” She poked one of the inert Apathy experimentally. “I mean, these have got to be the creepiest ones yet.”

“Oh yeah,” Blake agreed. “And have you read the script? These things are just terrifying, really.”

Yang turned to her with a nod. “Yeah, I’m glad these aren’t real. I mean, zombie grimm are bad enough, but the whole will-draining thing–”

Bony fingers brushed her shoulder. “BRAAAAAAAINSSSSS…”

Yang spun around, fists at the ready. “GAH WHAT THE–”

“BRAAAAAAAAAAINSSSS!” Ruby repeated, waving the Apathy’s arms around with a huge grin.

Yang lowered her fists with an angry laugh. “Damn it, leave that kind of trolling in Chibi!”

* * *

“Hey, I think I found something,” Yang said. She smiled as she looked down at the trailer, her eyes drifting up to the window–and then she let out a horrified gasp.

One which quickly descended into helpless giggles. “Turn, heehee, turn the camera!”

The camera turned to the window. Through it, in the snow, Adam Taurus could be seen… dressed as a belly-dancer and performing actually quite well.

Yang threw the window open. “Damn it, you’re playing a psychopath! You’ve got to stop doing things like this!” She turned to the camera, helplessly gesturing at the man with a grin. “This guy.  _This guy!_ ”

* * *

Blake sighed. “Adam… Adam always knew how to get into–”

“Mrrrw…”

“–how to get into people’s heads, and–”

“Mrrrrooooooow!”

Yang snorted.

Blake glared at her. “Do you think this is funny?”

“I didn’t say that!” Yang protested, desperately trying to hide her amusement.

Blake rolled her eyes, turning to the shelves and spotting the black cat with yet another dead bird at his paws. “I already told you: I am not interested!”

Yang couldn’t hold it back anymore, bursting out in peals of laughter.

With a sigh, Blake turned to the camera. “The glamor of acting, people.”

“Mrrrooooooooow?”

She gestured at the persistent feline. “Can we get my stalker off the set?!”

Yang’s laughter redoubled as she collapsed out of the shot. Blake glowered down, her leg moving slightly and producing a small thnk sound.

“Ow! Okay, hahaha, fair, but, hee, but still, hahahahahaha!”

With one final long-suffering look to the camera, Blake left the shot.

* * *

"Ruby, are we… are we really still going to Atlas?”

Ruby turned, a confused horror subtly creeping into her expression. “Weiss, what are you saying?”

“It’s just–”

_“~Oooooh let’s go digital! Yeah let’s go–~”_

Ruby fumbled with her scroll for a bit, before pressing the answer button. “Uh, hey there!

_“Salutations! I just found this convenience store nearby, do you want me to pick something up for you?”  
_

“Oh, that sounds great, um, definitely some trail mix–no beans or seafood–actually, would it be too much of me to ask you to get some subs or something for everyone on the way down?”

_“Not at all! Are there any specific orders you would like?”  
_

“I still don’t like mayonnaise,” Weiss interjected.

There was a moment of silence.

_“Did I call you in the middle of a shot again?”_

“Yeeeeah.” Ruby chuckled. “Sorry–”

_“No no no, it’s my fault entirely. I’ll get the food, and I’ll be down in a bit, alright?”  
_

“Alright. Love you!”

 _“Love you too! See you soon!”_  The scroll clicked off.

Ruby shook her head. Then she caught sight of Weiss’s look. “What?”

“I’m happy for you,” Weiss assured her with a grin.

Ruby glanced away. “Mmmrngh…” She couldn’t help the corner of her lips twitching upward.

* * *

Ruby picked up the golden bottle. Her face contorted with quiet rage, and she flung it away.

It bounced against the wall and started rolling across the ground.

After a moment, Ruby sighed. “It didn’t shatter, did it.”

* * *

Four of the Apathy strode on stage, wearing hats and wielding canes as team RWBY expertly puppeted them through a dance routine.

“~Spooky scary skeletons send shivers down your spine, Shrieking skulls will shock your soul and seal your doom tonight! Spooky scary skeletons speak with such a screech, You’ll shake and shudder in surprise when you hear these zombies shriek!…~”

* * *

“We’re all tired,” Oscar pointed out wearily.

“Maybe if we’re all so exhausted we should eat?” Blake suggested.

“Yeah,” Oscar agreed. “A nice bowl of cereal.”

“Pancakes,” Blake added. “Two plates.”

“Crispy bacon, prepared juuuust right.”

“Eggs over easy, on top of french bread.”

“Cinnamon toast.”

“What?”

“It’s cinnamon toast,” Oscar said seriously. “French bread is the baguette.”

“Well, you can use a baguette to make cinnamon toast, right?”

“I mean, sure, but then where does the madness end? Cereal in orange juice? Syrup-slathered ham? Breakfast burritos slathered in chocolate?”

“Actually,” Ruby interjected, “that last one sounds pretty good.”

“I once had a deep-fried stack of pancakes,” Weiss mused. “Not actually that bad.”

“I subscribe to the ‘take five cans of anything, dump in some noodles, and boil it all’ philosophy of cooking,” Yang added.

“You’d be surprised what kind of crazy combinations people can come up with,” Maria added. “Ever hear of muffin pizza?”

Oscar looked at them all in horror. “My god… you’re all insane.”

* * *

"Look, we can just drop it in the well,” Yang suggested. “Sure, the Grimm might find it, but it would take time. A year… ten… it may not even happen in our lifeline.”

There was a moment where everyone processed that.

“…Damn it.” Yang facepalmed. “I didn’t even mean to say that!”

“Yarr maties,” Blake growled, “batten down tha hatches, there be a storm a-comin’!”

Weiss snorted. “See, my mind went to ‘Who Wants To Be A Millionaire.’”

Ruby turned to the camera with the biggest of grins. “I’ll take Grimm Studies for three hundred, please!”

“Alright, alright!” Yang rolled her eyes. “Come on, let me give this another take.”

* * *

Ruby picked up the golden bottle. Her face contorted with quiet rage, and she flung it away.

It bounced against the wall, landing on its base and waggling to a stop.

Ruby glanced over her shoulder, then turned to the camera with an expression of utter deadpan.

* * *

Ruby dropped into the well, shortly after followed by her teammates. She took her scroll and raised it warily… and then moved her thumb with a mischievous smirk.

_“~Cause this is THRILLEEEEEER! THRILLER NIGHT! And noone’s gonna save ya from the beast about to strike–~”  
_

Ruby was already dancing and, after an amused glance, the other three joined in. Then Maria moonwalked into the scene with a huge grin.

“Having fun without me, dearies?”

“Woo!” Yang shouted. “Rock it granny!”

She did indeed proceed to rock it.

* * *

Maria clutched at the stairs, looking up desperately. “An exit!”

Weiss rushed past her–and ended up knocking her over with a loud THWUMP! She turned around, caught sight of the old woman, and covered her mouth with her hands.

“Oh my gosh, I–I am so sorry!” She walked back down slowly. “Are you alright?”

“…Medic…”

* * *

Ruby reached out desperately to her teammate, collapsed in front of the oncoming horde. “Blake…”

Blake looked at her, eyes… glittering with mischief, as she put a hand on her hip and adopted a catlike smirk. “Draw me like one of your french girls.”

Instantly everyone cracked up, one of the Apathy even clapping sarcastically.

“Oh come on, you were all thinking it!”

* * *

Ruby picked up the golden bottle. Her face contorted with quiet rage, and she flung it away.

It bounced against the wall and–

"OW! Ow ow ow, damn it!”

Qrow blinked, turning to her. “What? What just happened?”

“The bottle bounced against the wall and hit her head,” Oscar helpfully provided from off-screen.

“The hell? Are these things made of rubber or something?” Qrow gave Ruby a concerned look. “Kid, you okay?”

“I think I’m bleeding,” Ruby reported in amused pain. “Ow. Medic?”

* * *

Ruby glared angrily, her teeth clenched as she peered at her foes.

“Aaaaaand cut!”

She turned to the camera with a bright smile. “Now see, that’s going to look a lot more impressive once they edit the silver eye stuff in in post.”

* * *

The camera focused on the metal cellar doors, zooming in dramatically on the chain–

–which jerked briefly.

“OW! Damn it, what the hell is that chain made of, adamantium?”

“Uh,” came Blake’s voice, “you doing alright there?”

“It’s an easy shot, they said. Punch open the door, they said! Damn it, I think my hand’s dead.”

“So…” Ruby mused. “Do you need a medic, or a technician?”

“My other fist is still working fine, missy.”

* * *

"We need to go!” Ruby cried.

“Not yet,” Weiss decreed, grabbing a bottle off the shelf. She threw it overhand at the cellar…

…and it bounced off the head of an Apathy, landing cork-first on the ground without spilling a drop.

“…What the  _hell?!”_

“I know, right?!”

* * *

"They’re called the Apathy,” Maria explained morosely. “They’re not strong, or ferocious, or cunning. They just drain your will–”

The entire trailer suddenly jerked to a stop. A moment later, Bumblebee rolled behind it, engine cutting off.

“You all alright?” Yang asked.

“Yeah,” Ruby sighed. “We’re just going to have to hook this up and start this shot over.”

* * *

"Isn’t it obvious, girl?” Maria turned a sad smile on Ruby. “I have silver eyes.”

There was a moment where they all processed that.

“Um…” Ruby held up a finger. “Don’t you mean ‘had?’“

“Oh, I still have them,” Maria replied brightly, “they’re in my pocket here, let me show you!”

Everyone else broke out giggling, Ruby feebly protesting with a wave. “No, ew, gross! I believe you!”

 


End file.
